Columnist Zahra Barri talks to author and hairstylist Vicki Lord about sex, blow-dries, First Dates and the safety of the salon chair

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Canterbury’s own Vicki Lord has written the most salacious, soulful and spiritual sexual memoirs I have ever read. And I‘ve read a lot. Like many women’s sexual tales, the best ones aren’t merely filthy but full of feminist philosophy. For example, Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying was a seminal piece of literature which came out the year the birth control pill was made available to all women (not just married ones) and was heralded by the feminist academic elite. And Candace Bushnell’s Sex and the City further cemented women’s sexual writings as not merely niche feminist counterculture but a central part of our culture. But where Bushnell’s SATC centres around dating, female friendship and shoes, Lord has transformed the genre. Let’s Talk… Sex, Cuts and Blow-Dries: Choosing the Chair Instead of the Closet is not only about her sexuality but about hairdressing. Lord lays it all bare in her straight-talking relatable prose, regaling how her hairdressing career has helped her grow in sexual transparency, shedding taboos. Sit in the chair with Vicki Lord and you most certainly won’t be talking about your holidays.

Carrie Bradshaw herself could not have done it better, what made you write so candidly?

Thanks! I am the Carrie Bradshaw of the lesbian world! It was my mum who inspired me to write my book. My love life and sexuality have always been a hot topic in my studio. I redirect the chat away from me and back to my clients with a, “Oh darling, you must tell me what you’ve been up to lately…” But I’ll get a response like, “Vicki, sweetheart, your life is so much more interesting than mine, spill the beans!”

And no sooner do I allow myself to become a little vulnerable and open up to my ladies, than they suddenly feel comfortable enough to share their most intimate secrets. It’s almost as if, by hearing my vulnerabilities, they feel they have permission to speak freely about their lives without judgment. I’ve noticed this even more since I came out as a lesbian. I’ve always managed to create a safe one-to-one space where my clients are free to talk with no judgment. My mum would say, “Vicki, this would make a great book – you must start writing all this down.” And with the help of my mentor and author/publisher Jordan Martin, Let’s Talk Sex Cuts and Blow-dries’ with Vicki Lord came!

How did writing something so vulnerable feel?

The journey of writing my memoir was both traumatic and healing. When you hit 50, there are so many things from your past that you may have buried deep, but they’re exactly what shaped the person you are now. Diving back into those times felt like I was forcing open a memory box that had been jammed shut for years, then having to relive each moment word by word. It’s the kind of thing most people would work through with a therapist, but my therapist was pen and paper. It honestly felt like someone had grabbed me by the ankles, shaken me really hard and everything I’d ever held inside came tumbling out - not just for me to finally look at, but for the whole world to see. When my book was finally released, I was absolutely terrified but I also felt extremely liberated.

Writing is powerful, it often helps the writer first and then the readers. Your book contains many tips for female libido, why do you think this is still a taboo?

The number of women I’ve spoken to and seen over the years in my salon chair, I include myself in this, who’ve never really looked at their own ‘Bone China!’

Women have told me it has just been a vessel to carry a child. Some of my clients have never actually looked at it properly. It’s important to understand where all your bits are on your ‘Bone China’ to look at her and appreciate how beautiful and amazing she is (there’s a full diagram in my book). As women, we should know what turns us on before anyone else does. I’m all about bringing pu**y power to the forefront and celebrating the exploration of our own needs before anyone else does. I hope my memoir makes people stop and think about how we should be approaching vaginas, especially when it comes to young girls and women losing their virginity.

As a writer who myself has written about sex and sexuality (albeit fiction) I know the feeling that comes with witnessing your family read it, how did they react? Or are you one of those people that grew up in a free love hippie family?

I love that hippie family idea… no, not quite, but my mother and nan were both very liberal, so I was lucky. They made sure sex was an easy subject to talk about.

That probably put you in good stead to be open with your hairdressing clients which then lead to you sharing everything with everyone. Speaking of such transparency you are also hitting our screens next year on First Dates, right?

First Dates was an experience and a half! I have to say, I can’t fault the production team – they made me feel super welcome and totally at ease. The date is due to be aired next year; they tried to air it this year, and I’ve been on the adverts all summer! Let’s just say my date includes allergic reactions, flying hair extensions, and a few proper cringe moments. You’ll have to wait and see…

What’s next for you? A new memoir?

I’m on my second memoir, the sequel, and my ongoing search for love will definitely be a continuous thread running through it. I fully intend not to disappoint and to keep the Carrie Bradshaw of the lesbian world very much alive. I’m planning my next shoot to grace the cover of my next book with my creative photographer mother, Lorraine Lucas’ from Mad Hatters Studio, who did the last front and back cover for me. The memoir… We are hoping to create something a little risky but also in keeping with my next one!

Finally, what is your favourite literary thing about Kent?

Seeing my memoir displayed and in my favourite cafes dotted around Canterbury… and watching a little smirk or a raised eyebrow from a customer reading it!

INFO: https://vickilord.co.uk/book/

INSTA: @vickilordhair

Zahra Barri’s book ‘Daughters of The Nile’ is available from Wilton Square Books or Amazon.

https://wiltonsquarebooks.com/products/daughters-of-the-nile