Quip off the Mark: Q&A with Mark Simmons
Comedy columnist and author Zahra Barri talks Combine Harvesters, killing flies and dying on your arse with Mark Simmons
Mark Simmons describes his comedy as “silly word play”. I’d say he is being self-deprecating OR is on a campaign to reinvent the word.
Because, as it stands, the Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘silly’ as “a lack of common sense; absurd and foolish”. It then goes on to use ‘stupid’, ‘unintelligent’ and ‘witless’ as synonyms. Words that Simmons is most definitely not!
This got me thinking about the word ‘silly’. It means two different things – on stage and off. If someone is being silly off stage, go ahead and declare them a fool, but to be silly on stage takes SKILLS.
Plus, my foray into the mechanics of joke-writing attests that the formulation of Simmons’s wordplay is not dissimilar to formulating a mathematical equation, with its double entendres and leads up the garden path to then subtract the ground from under you.
This energy (surprise) is converted into laughter. E = MC squared? Energy/laughs = MC Mark Simmons! (that’s me attempting ‘silly wordplay’). So Mark plays it silly, but the wisest man admits he knows nothing, and thus the deftest comics are the silliest. With appearances on the intellectual/political Mock the Week, it’s clear to see that Simmons is having the last laugh. Now he’s returning to his native Kent on tour, so I had a chat with the silly boy….
You’ve appeared on Mock the Week, had success in Edinburgh and are revered for your impeccable one-liners, akin to Milton Jones, but why can’t you achieve your comedy goal of being the face of Combine Harvester? And explain this goal.
In 2016 one of my jokes was in the Edinburgh Festival’s ‘Dave’s Joke the Fringe’ top 10. The gag was “Combine Harvesters… and you’ll have a really big restaurant”.
I was chuffed to be on the list and the next day the regional Harvester manager was sitting in my room (where I performed, not where I slept) and thanked me for all the free advertisement I’d given them. This gave me the idea to try to become the face of Harvester and I went on to create a YouTube series where in each episode I would attempt and fail to reach this goal. Bit of fun.
Who are you the comedy love child of?
This has actually been answered in a review I once had, and they said Milton Jones and Noel Fielding. Happy with that.
Why did you get into comedy?
Completely fell into it by accident – my friend had been doing the London open-mic circuit and somehow convinced me to have a go. I don’t know how he managed it because I hated public speaking, whereas now on stage is the place I’m most comfortable. My first gig was my first time in a comedy club… what was I thinking? Glad I did, though, it’s the best job in the world!
You do a podcast with Danny Ward called ‘Jokes with Mark’ – why have you not included the beloved comic Danny in the title?
Danny’s actually a recent addition. It originated with me sidling up to comics at gigs and asking them for five jokes they hadn’t been able to get to work. Originally it was just a very short podcast, but as it grew I extended the episodes and improved the production with my producer Joel. He then betrayed me and left because his day job podcast “the biggest football podcast in the country” made him too busy. Apparently being paid is a priority to Joel! Can you believe that! That’s when Danny stepped up!
Your podcast features comedians who talk about jokes that didn’t work. Who’s been your favourite guest and joke?
The podcast is five years old and we’ve had so many brilliant guests, including Sarah Millican, Rob Beckett, Ed Byrne and Milton Jones. My favourite was with Gary Delaney, who is an incredible joke-writer. That was a really fun episode because it was in front of a live crowd. The podcast covers all things that can affect a joke working and, interestingly, in this episode Gary tells us how he once stood on a random fly onstage at the beginning of his show and this had a knock-on effect where the audiences reacted badly to his material for the rest of the set.
You’re going on tour and appearing at many a Kent venue! Is this to fund another episode of Wheelbarrow Town?
People have started calling it the Bob Dylan tour because it never ends. It started in September 2022 with a modest number of dates, but because of the amazing support I’ve been getting on social media the demand kept increasing to the point where we’ve just put the sixth and seventh legs of the tour on sale. Sadly, there’ll be no eighth leg – I like the sound of a spider tour. We’ve got three more Kent dates – Tunbridge Wells, Faversham and Deal – and I would love to see you all there.
Wheelbarrow Town was another YouTube series myself and Danny Ward made. It was about two brothers who inherited a 500-year-old cottage and started a retreat where each week they would attempt to treat someone with an ailment, using the knowledge they gained from zero qualifications. The cottage we used has since been renovated, so the series will be no more. All the best sitcoms only have two series anyway!
Best gig?
It used to be any of the shows I did supporting Rob Brydon because it was such an incredible experience playing to audiences of thousands of people, but there have been a few really memorable shows on my Quip Off the Mark tour. Selling out the Leicester Square Theatre five times, when in 2009 I died on my arse during a new-act competition final at the same venue! Going from such a low to such a high was really special.
Worst gig?
Dying on my arse at a new-act competition final in 2009 at the Leicester Square Theatre! It was so embarrassing – I had friends and family in, which makes it so much worse when no one is laughing, including them 😂
Next comedy plans?
Short-term, I’m very excited to finish this tour strongly and then it’s sights firmly set on the next tour, which I’m aiming for 2026. I’d also like to tour the show in Australia and the US. I’m currently in Australia at the Melbourne comedy festival in a show called Best of The Edinburgh Fest, but I’d love to come back with my solo show next time.
What’s funny about Kent?
I’m born and bred here, so I did a lot of gigs in Kent when I started comedy and the thing I like most about Kent audiences is that we don’t take ourselves too seriously – when we come to a show, we come ready to have a good time. I think that’s why my shows are so joke-heavy, I want to get to each laugh as quickly as possible so everyone’s having a great night out.
Mark heads to Trinity Arts at Tunbridge Wells (13th June 2024), Astor Theatre in Deal (21st September 2024) and The Alex in Faversham (1st November 2024).
INFO: MarkSimmons.co.uk
ZAHRA BARRI
Irish/Egyptian writer/comedian and PhD researcher has featured on Channel 4’s Only Jokes a Muslim Can Tell, BBC Radio, BBC Asian Network and BBC Period Dramas. Her first unpublished novel won Runner Up for the Comedy Women in Print Unpublished Prize 2020. Her work is supported by The Society of Authors and the Arts Council. Her debut novel Daughters of the Nile won the Unbound Firsts Writers of Colour competition and is out on 6th June.
